Why is there no such word as "man-drama" ? Blogged June 2011

Because there is no such animal. What a world it must be to live in with no drama. I cant even imagine. Men are ridiculously simple creatures. I sometimes wish I were a guy but then I think about walking around doing the stuff they do and thinking the stuff they do and I quickly change my mind. I feel bad for the men that have to deal with us women sometimes. Sometimes.
I guess what I would like to be able to do most (like a guy) is to be able to not take things so personally when drama does unfold and how to nip it in the bud and move on. And when I say move on I mean, MOVE ON... don't stew, don't replay and don't think endlessly what you SHOULD have said or done during said drama. Some people LOVE drama. I do not. I try to avoid it. Therefore I spend a large amount of time taking the high road and trying to appease the masses. This puts a strain on me. But I try to be a good person. Drama comes in all shapes and forms. Today it came in the form of The Meg, in a bad mood the moment she opened her eyes. The tears... the sobbing... and Im not even sure why. All I said was "morning peanut, Im making you pancakes for breakfast so lets get up, get dressed, brush your hair and come give me a hug". Shes almost 11. The hormones are starting to wreak havok on my poor, unsuspecting little girl. Its gotta be tough to feel weepy and have no clue why. "oh its the estrogen your pituitary gland is making, sweetie, so that you can have babies later in life". Until she gets it, I just hug her and rub her back and tell her I love her.
The other source of drama in my life is my parents. Not really drama but stress. I feel this overwhelming urge to make sure I have this happy family. You know.. all the generations getting together for holidays and baking cookies and the kids curling up in the grandparents laps to read books and walking on the beach with the dogs. Or even just small regular visits to keep in touch. Like why cant moms just have a conversation with their daughter like they would anybody else? Do they tell others that they probably could have found a better husband? Or that they dont like the way they discipline their kids? Why is it ok for parents to criticize us however and whenever they want? And the bigger question is why the hell cant we do the same thing without getting disowned for, say, 8 months? Ok. So what? They annoy and they lay guilt trips. Thats fine, right? Just don't get sucked in. Yea right! I cannot even tell you how much time during the day I get totally pissed off at them for treating me this way. And this anger and solo dialogue conversations with myself and I drive to the barn are serving what purpose? Other than making me look completely nuts talking to myself in the car? Though I just assume people think I have a hands-free devise and Im not insane. I think I might be. So I dont need to take this guilt and such right? Its not ALL my fault and I don't have to assume the burden. Let them be mad right back at me right? Nope. Doesn't work that way. Again, I reach out to my freinds, got the answer for me? Lemme know? Thanks. I have PLENTY of freinds who have made the decision to disconnect from their parents for a token amount of time. TO heal. To preserver sanity. To give themselves some space. Some do this for years. I cannot imagine. However Im at the 8 month mark in my fathers strike against his "horrid and disrespectful daughter". I called him stubborn. Not an asswipe (pronounced oz-weepay), not a turd ferguson.. stubborn. He is!!!! Hes 70 and set in his ways. I dont blame him for that. I dont. But it makes it hard to deal with him sometimes. I still love him and want to see him. He wont talk to me or see me. Ok so why does this bug me so much? Not sure. Why do I feel the need to carry this burden? I wasn't raised Catholic which apparently teaches people to be guilt ridden all the time. Its this sense of "well they are my folks and I need to maintain a relationship". True. But not if it causes pain. That isnt fair. Ive taken the high road yet again (I should get one of those punch cards- you've taken the high road 10 times, you get to be a jerk for the 11th time), so basically all I was trying to stand up for the past 8 months needs to be swept under the rug, I have to say Im sorry for hurting them, and now walk on eggshells until the next episode where I want to scream. This doenst seem like a fair role for a daughter just because Im a daughter. They wont change and they certainly cant seem to comprehend what I am saying to them for some reason so its like a total lost cause. I was TRYING to make things better by telling them how I felt. Wont do that again. I need to harden up. The plan of action now will be- reconnect, spend time and try to move forward for the sake of the kids. And if they dont like it, they can leave. I cant hold everybodys hand all the time. I have to take care of myself. I love my family. I love my mom and dad. I miss my mom and dad. They only live a few hours away. They are good people. They are FANTASTIC grandparents!! My mom- my mom rocks with my kids. They miss her. They raised me pretty well, took good care of me and loved me. But that doesnt give anybody the right to make somebody feel bad, right? They dont even know they do it. So they dont mean it, so I cant fault them. But that doesnt change the fact that the end result is me crying or sad. I cant make everything perfect so I think I need to stop trying and take care of me, and my 2 kids. But really, I need to get a backbone. Any words of advise or tips on coping (other than alcohol) please let me know. Hey, it just came to me......... There's a reason they made "Christmas Vacation" or the entire Vacation series for that matter. Families are dysfunctional. Period. I need to stop trying to fix it and ride the wave. I better get a full wetsuit with one of those head cap things or better yet one of those deep sea diving brass helmets- you cant hear your mom complaining with that thing on!!!!